Pandora picked Richie Valens singing La Bamba as the first song to start our day after waking Abigail up. I am sure everyone knows it is physically impossible to listen to that song without performing it. I was looking in the mirror while playing air rhythm sticks when suddenly I felt old and defeated by the world. Rhythm sticks? Why was I playing rhythm sticks? Was it because it was all that was left in my once vast imagination. Once upon a time I would have been a dancer during the song. Using my own form of swaying salsa mixed with made up tap and tumbling I would be all over the stage causing the audience to forget about Richie and be awe struck by my dance skills. Then I recalled somewhere down the line of life, probably due to being teased, I replaced the dancing with playing air guitar. I would start out calm and in control of my instrument blending into the corner of the stage and then end up knee walking with my guitar bending over backwards as I played it over my head. I guess someone telling me I looked silly led to the riddance of the air guitar and me singing instead. I would belt out the words as best I could making eye contact with the excited crowd below my stage over my microphone hairbrush. Then after a while I suppose a negative comment about being off key or not knowing the Spanish part caused me to lip sync. I am not sure when I stopped the lip syncing and reduced myself to the air rhythm sticks. Where was the passion in my pretend play? I was just making a motion, marching in place worried someone other than the kids would see. An adult would make fun of me so I was keeping it toned down. But I looked at Abigail swaying with the music moving her arms nowhere close to the beat and I saw Jedi marching around in a dance that was a cross between the Hokey Pokey and Electric Slide mixed with a Waltz.
Suddenly it hit me. I refused to be a boring mom who picked up air Rhythm Sticks when I had a vast array of other choices I could use. I brought out the guitar and played while moving in circles and flipping my hair back and forth. It made me a little dizzy so until that feeling passed I began to sing, but my throat was dry from not having any coffee yet. So I transitioned to lip syncing WITH my signature dance moves. Jedi landed on the bean bag chair when I crashed into him so I kept adding my tap moves. Then I remembered that I was never the type of person to care what others thought. I had stopped dancing because it hurt. And because it was hard to suck in air and lip sync at the same time. And because when my dance move involved getting on the floor it was nearly impossible to get back up.
I took one last look into the room as I walked away. Richie was still singing and the kids were still dancing, oblivious that Mom had walked off the stage. I headed for the medicine cabinet to find the Ibuprofen vowing I would exercise more and eat less starting now. Well,. . . starting after my stash of Cadbury eggs hidden in the medicine cabinet is depleted.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
The Climb
Today should have been Whataburger Wednesday, but against my better judgement I relented to Jedi's request to go to "Ol' McDonald's." It almost killed me.
Since it looked cleaner outside than inside we took his food to the empty playground. He ate and then told me he loved me. Then he asked to climb up the playground gym. I reminded him that the last time he tried he was scared and his cousin had to go after him. We had no cousins with us. He promised he could go to the top and slide down all by himself. He had changed since that last time. He had the hiccups earlier and I told him myself it was because he was having a growth spurt so he knew he was bigger and he could do it. Again, I relented. I watched in amazement as he easily scrambled up like a billy goat and was confused for a few minutes because his laughs so quickly changed to cries when he reached the top.
I had to rescue him. It had to be at least 20 feet up. It was high enough for me to remember I hate heights, so maybe it was 100 feet. I was going to have to do 150 feet of climbing up those stupid platforms with my purse tied around me like a fanny pack. I am sure it was my 2" thick purse that was causing me to yank my wedged backside out of each platform space to move on to the next. Then at the top of 200 feet I had to ignore all the Grackle poop that Jedi had clearly already belly crawled through in his terrified state of being stuck so high up. After pleading with him to go down the slide because sliding down the corkscrew tunnel 250 feet up in the air was way easier than climbing down the platforms that clearly weren't made for ladies carrying purses, it was his turn to relent. So after I pried his sweet little hands that had turned into a suffocating vise off of my neck and I could breathe again I sat him on my lap and moved his statue like body around telling him it would be less scary if he could see where he was going. (It would be less scary if he didn't see me make the sign of the cross and beg God not tolet me get stuck going down not to let my purse get us stuck going down.) Then after a deep breath and rearranging my purse strap over my shoulder which reminded me to grab my phone just in case I had to call 911 because God didn't listen to my prayer I lifted my feet and remembered I am afraid of enclosed spaces way more than I am heights.
It was too late to go back so I pushed off. Jedi reached back behind him and with those pudgy little cherub vise grips grabbed the first part of my body he could which was my neck again. I've gone down corkscrew slides before and moved slowly. So slowly I wanted to scream because I thought I would be stuck. I heard myself screaming. This time because of the complete opposite of moving slowly and the static electricity shocks, and because I saw Jedi hit his head again and again with each turn, and because I couldn't breathe. It wasn't Jedi's vise grip. His hands were now squeaking down the sides as he tried to stop us. Oh God, I couldn't breathe. Was this a punishment for making the sign of the cross when I'm not Catholic? I'm sorry Jesus. So sorry. The dark enclosure was too much and I knew we had at least 300 more feet to go because we weren't even half way through. I was going to die. Still screaming, but noticing Jedi had stopped I opened my eyes to check on my baby boy. There was sunlight. There was no more motion. We were at the bottom and had lost all momentum. I still couldn't breathe because my purse strap was now around my neck pulling. Gravity is a mysterious thing.
With all the dignity I could muster I helped Jedi down to the ground shocking him at least two more times. Then I stood up and could feel the static cling all over my body. I adjusted my purse while feeling my hair standing on end like I was a cartoon character who had just stuck a fork into a wall outlet. I was alive. Feeling grateful for another day of beauty surrounding me I brushed the bird poop off both our bottoms and told Jedi to get his boots so we could leave.
After he stomped on his boots I heard his sweet little , "Mommy?" I looked at my baby boy expecting to see my awesomeness in his eyes. I was going to tell him he didn't have to thank me. That's just what Mommies do.
He told me the next time I climb up there he wasn't going to help me get down again.
He told me I was holding his hand too hard as we marched out.
I asked him if it felt like a vise.
Since it looked cleaner outside than inside we took his food to the empty playground. He ate and then told me he loved me. Then he asked to climb up the playground gym. I reminded him that the last time he tried he was scared and his cousin had to go after him. We had no cousins with us. He promised he could go to the top and slide down all by himself. He had changed since that last time. He had the hiccups earlier and I told him myself it was because he was having a growth spurt so he knew he was bigger and he could do it. Again, I relented. I watched in amazement as he easily scrambled up like a billy goat and was confused for a few minutes because his laughs so quickly changed to cries when he reached the top.
I had to rescue him. It had to be at least 20 feet up. It was high enough for me to remember I hate heights, so maybe it was 100 feet. I was going to have to do 150 feet of climbing up those stupid platforms with my purse tied around me like a fanny pack. I am sure it was my 2" thick purse that was causing me to yank my wedged backside out of each platform space to move on to the next. Then at the top of 200 feet I had to ignore all the Grackle poop that Jedi had clearly already belly crawled through in his terrified state of being stuck so high up. After pleading with him to go down the slide because sliding down the corkscrew tunnel 250 feet up in the air was way easier than climbing down the platforms that clearly weren't made for ladies carrying purses, it was his turn to relent. So after I pried his sweet little hands that had turned into a suffocating vise off of my neck and I could breathe again I sat him on my lap and moved his statue like body around telling him it would be less scary if he could see where he was going. (It would be less scary if he didn't see me make the sign of the cross and beg God not to
It was too late to go back so I pushed off. Jedi reached back behind him and with those pudgy little cherub vise grips grabbed the first part of my body he could which was my neck again. I've gone down corkscrew slides before and moved slowly. So slowly I wanted to scream because I thought I would be stuck. I heard myself screaming. This time because of the complete opposite of moving slowly and the static electricity shocks, and because I saw Jedi hit his head again and again with each turn, and because I couldn't breathe. It wasn't Jedi's vise grip. His hands were now squeaking down the sides as he tried to stop us. Oh God, I couldn't breathe. Was this a punishment for making the sign of the cross when I'm not Catholic? I'm sorry Jesus. So sorry. The dark enclosure was too much and I knew we had at least 300 more feet to go because we weren't even half way through. I was going to die. Still screaming, but noticing Jedi had stopped I opened my eyes to check on my baby boy. There was sunlight. There was no more motion. We were at the bottom and had lost all momentum. I still couldn't breathe because my purse strap was now around my neck pulling. Gravity is a mysterious thing.
With all the dignity I could muster I helped Jedi down to the ground shocking him at least two more times. Then I stood up and could feel the static cling all over my body. I adjusted my purse while feeling my hair standing on end like I was a cartoon character who had just stuck a fork into a wall outlet. I was alive. Feeling grateful for another day of beauty surrounding me I brushed the bird poop off both our bottoms and told Jedi to get his boots so we could leave.
After he stomped on his boots I heard his sweet little , "Mommy?" I looked at my baby boy expecting to see my awesomeness in his eyes. I was going to tell him he didn't have to thank me. That's just what Mommies do.
He told me the next time I climb up there he wasn't going to help me get down again.
He told me I was holding his hand too hard as we marched out.
I asked him if it felt like a vise.
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