I had to run a quick errand a few minutes ago and didn't realize until I had been cut off by three cars that HEB was not the best choice of destinations. Once a year I actually catch myself thinking, "I should have gone to Wal-Mart."
Yep, it's the HOT Fair time once again. I always grumble about it a little each year. The music is so loud I can hear it at my house, the traffic gets a little thick and there is always the idiot that flies by our house in his "music" thumping car using our street as a short cut. (Oh wait, that's my neighbor.) I know it's him because I can identify the car by looking at the back window or lack there of. Quite a while back he had his stereo system stolen from his car after someone smashed his back window. Within a day he had a new music delivery system with even more power to rattle my walls. I'm guessing he decided that the insurance money should be spent on an even louder, more annoying sound system than replacing the window. Lucky for him he had enough left over from his stereo purchase to buy some duct tape and plastic wrap to cover the missing window.
This year the fair is annoying me more than usual. I think it's because we don't get to go. We usually take Abigail, but she is having some allergy issues and I'm afraid if she's around all the smoke from the fair and animal dander and dust from the rodeo the allergies will turn into a sinus infection. I think not being able to feel that thrill of seeing the rodeo cowboys defy gravity (until they hit the ground hard) or taking our annual walk down the midway is leaving me grumpy. I don't know why. Every year, we end up complaining about the cost and I get sick from eating an entire turkey leg, funnel cake with whip cream and chocolate sauce, fried butterfly potato and washing it down with sickeningly sweet lemon-aid. Then I spend the next few days trying to wipe all the turkey leg grease off Abigail's chair and trying to shake the queasy feeling I got after watching toothless old carnies hit on 12 year old girls. But still, it's a tradition and I'm a sentimental creature.
On the short trip to HEB I made the following observations:
1.) Who takes a limo to the fair? Seriously. Who does that? What a frivolous way to spend money. Use it for something wiser. Just give it to the limo driver if you want, but you are impressing no one by stepping out of a limo at a fair.
2.) If you are going to be a tightwad and park across the street from the fair, do not let your toddler walk across the high traffic road in the blackness of night. It doesn't matter if you are holding her hand. She is still moving slowly and the drivers of cars are too busy looking at the idiots in the limo and aren't paying attention to pedestrians who are hard to see. Stop being so cheap and spend some money for parking or take the free shuttle. Your toddler would have had a much more fun time riding a Waco Transit bus than creating a lifetime nightmare of cars zooming past her while you yanked her arm out of socket upon the realization that drivers weren't going to stop to let you cross.
3.) Goth kids: (is that what they are still called?) I get it. You want to wear dark colors and I'm okay with that, but see item number 2. We can't see you crossing the street when you are in black and your platform boots don't let you run very fast even when your butt's about to get run over do they? You might have been worried about being shaken up on a ride, but I bet you weren't expecting to be scared poopless while trying to get to the fairgrounds.
4.) HEB: Grackles really freak me out this time of year. HEB do something about your out- of-hand bird population. Perhaps you could try putting up scarecrows. Maybe some of the goth kids who nearly got ran over will let you have their clothes they were wearing tonight. The pants might have a few stains on them, but you can hide those by tying a sweater around the scarecrow's waist. Or maybe you could train the birds to go to the fair this time of year and poop on the heads of those who get out of limos.
5.) The driver of the Chevy HHR: You drove like you didn't know which end was up. Please get your bearings before you cut in front of me causing me to nearly get rear ended. My pants were almost in the same predicament as the Goth kids' when I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a ginormous Ford truck with a huge Big Tex Bumper Grill Guard wrapped around the entire front coming up so close that I saw the cowboy hat bobbing up and down on the driver as he spewed out curse words. He also had a trailer hitch jabbing out about a foot over the back bumper (I call those "Damnits" because that's what I shout out whenever I accidentally whack up against one in a parking lot) I know he had one because he had to swerve over to next lane and fly around me because of the chaos you created by cutting in front of me and hitting the breaks. The Ohio license plate is no excuse for you being an idiot. And why does Ohio put "Truck" on the plate that is on an HHR? That was enough to make me want to run you over. But hopefully Big Tex did that when you went around him and cut him off in retaliation for cutting you off which he had done to retaliate for you starting the mess. I had to turn down my street so I didn't get to see if he nailed you. It would have made me even more mighty proud to be a Texan if he had. I know we are supposed to be the friendly state but I wanted to come home and dig out my boots so I could track you down and kick you hard.
I guess the moral of this pointless story is "Don't mess with Texas." Or at least don't mess with this Texan when I'm grumpy because I haven't partaken of my Central Texas tradition.
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