Human Pretzel

I had my first chiropractic experience on Friday. My back has been hurting since I had a fender bender a few weeks ago. Many of my friends and family told me to go to a chiropractor instead of a M.D. because I would get quicker results without pharmaceutical drugs. Although, the possibility of pharmacy grade pain killers actually sounds enticing, the quicker remedy outweighed the loopy happy feeling that could have been mine. (more of a loopy feeling than I already have naturally)

I always turn into a shy person when I go to a doctor. And I find myself very nervous because I don't like to be touched by or have have a stranger really close to me. And it's for stupid reasons, too. Like, what if I have a booger in my nose, or a big glob of earwax peeking out of my ear (that's the biggest fear), or a string of mucus in the back of my throat, or bits of salad in my teeth or underarm odor that I don't smell because I'm used to it, or a patch of hair on my ankle or big toe that I missed when I shaved the last few times. I told you; stupid reasons.

I thought I would have my nervousness under control this time because I wore my pajama jeans to the appointment. I would have to backtrack to explain my long wait for the pajama jeans and how I fall in love with them more each day and I don't want to do that now, so I will just say that I assumed that my snazzy yet comfortable pants would allow me to keep my calm and allow me to be my quirky self without shutting down like a wallflower. I was wrong.

As I waited in the exam room I was scrolling through my phone. The chiropractor walked in and on impulse I threw my phone towards my purse, overshot it and then scrambled to scoop it up off the chair next to my purse where it landed. I shoved it into my purse, then tossed my purse off the chair next to me onto the floor. I have no explanation for that. I just felt as though suddenly I had been busted, so on instinct I was hiding the evidence. Again, I don't know.

He pretended not to notice, but I'm pretty sure I saw him do a quick eye sweep of the room. Because of my behavior, it's quite possible he was checking to see if I had stolen one of the models of the spine that was on display. He made a little bit of small talk and mentioned how the spine can get out of alignment for any reason. He said that for months his back had been hurting and just last week he realized it was because of his office chair and he went into telling me that tale. My pajama jeans should have given me the confidence to do what my brain was playing out. I so badly wanted to say, "Oh! Well then, I'm going to buy a new chair first before I go through this and see if that helps," as I jokingly stood up and faced the door. But instead I just politely and quietly said, "Well that is nice that it was such a simple fix." You know, maybe it was the pajama jeans that gave me the common sense to do that instead of my first sarcastic impulse since the man was about to crack every single vertebrae running up and down my treasured spine.

Anyway, onto the table I went. There is no graceful way to plop down onto a table face down. But it didn't help matters when my shoe started to slide off and I did a sidekick off the table trying to catch the shoe and maneuver it back on. There was no way to recover from that so I just did an odd spread eagle type of kerplop! down. If that wasn't bad enough, after he popped my hips he told me to roll to my side at which point I realized that pajama jeans are very slick on an slender exam table. He caught me before I pitched off the edge. He had very quick reflexes, but he might find in a couple of days that his office chair won't be the simple fix to alleviate his back pain that my little acrobatics caused him.

But overall, I'm glad I went. Being twisted like a pretzel is a fast remedy for my medical professionals touching aversion. And actually, the popping sensation of vertebrae and joints that I didn't even know I had was quite nice. I can handle this with or without my pajama jeans. . . as long as he doesn't have to look into my ears.